2015 BMW 528: an Oppo quick review

"phenotyp" (phenotyp)
01/28/2015 at 11:59 • Filed to: bmw, 528, review, i8

So my new-to-me 09 535's high-pressure fuel pump (which had been replaced under the voluntary recall a couple years ago, they say) shat the bed. Thankfully, the car still has 2 months left on the CPO warranty. The dealer was kind enough to lend me a 2015 528 while they discover more oil leaks and failing hoses.

Potato photos ahoy!

The looks:
I've always liked the looks of the F10, when it's got the right wheels and sport suspension.

This one doesn't. 18" wheels make it look like it's wearing ballet slippers. It's got a properly mean-looking face, headlights that look like they're ready to blow up armored cars and then slice the leftovers with lasers, and a hood that looks way more deeply creased than pictures belie. And, yeah, man. That hood shutline. What a bummer.

The worst part, though? That little chromed plastic trinket on the quarter panel. Why. What is that. It's nothing. Not a vent. Not a signal repeater. It's just a tacked-on piece of plastic.

It also has ///M badging fucking everywhere. The door sills. The steering wheel. On a 528. This is what people talk about when they talk about brand dilution.

The interior:

(photo: Edmunds.com)

Somehow, it's a much bigger car than the E60, yet it feels much tighter in the driver's seat. The cowl is much higher, so the dash feels crazy tall. The center console is taller, wider, and deeper. Probably partly due to moving the cupholders there, and putting them side-by-side. It's comfortable, but enveloping. Visibility is great, though, at 6'1", I still have to like crane forward when I'm parking, because the thing is just so damn big .

The control stalks feel cheap and springy, with very little resistance and almost no detente feel. The iDrive controls are great, though, and menus are more direct and quicker to get to than older versions. The big screen is full of colors and animation and all sorts of blingy crap. The gauges are very, very bright, and all sorts of colorful. It feels more Japanese or American than BMW, somehow inappropriate.

The seats aren't as comfortable as the E60s I've had, I'm not sure whether there are better options, or if this is it on the F10. They're still miles ahead of pretty much everything out there, but the E60s' sport seats are an absolute benchmark.

What's it like to drive?

Well...

It's not great. I'd read plenty of reviews about the F10 that said pretty much what I'm about to say: BMW dropped the ball. And not just dropped like on the 75-yard line, I'm talking this level of failure:

(THANK YOU JON BOIS FOR BREAKING MADDEN. If you haven't seen Breaking Madden— where the hell have you been? !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . I'll wait.)

I didn't really think the F10 would suck like it does. I thought maybe reviewers were just all so jaded after years of awesomeness, that something that was just great was somehow not great enough. I was wrong.

The 5 series has always been like the bar for a great-driving big sedan, right? Well, it sure isn't now. This thing feels like a Buick. There's no road feel whatsoever. No weight at all to the wheel. No matter how many pluses you stick on the "sport" mode. So this is why everyone's bitched about electric steering.

The suspension is floaty and boaty. It's just no fun at all.

Possibly the most disappointing car I've ever driven, because my expectations were that it'd at least be better than the E60 in some ways. It just... wasn't. The 8-speed ZF is pretty good, I'll give it that. I don't know what the higher-power 5ers feel like with it, but on the "little" 528, it feel like it's always in the right gear, and it changes instantly, and hits the right place every time. So I guess it's got that going for it.

Verdict:

When my E60 run ends, I won't be looking for an F10 to replace it. Surely by then I won't need four doors anymore, and there will be something better.

In other news:

The dealer was prepping this i8! HOLY SHIT.

DISCUSSION (30)

Leon711 > phenotyp
01/28/2015 at 12:01

all the new BMW reviews!

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/2014-bmw-120d-…

CalzoneGolem > phenotyp
01/28/2015 at 12:03

Wow that i8 looks amazing in white.

phenotyp > CalzoneGolem
01/28/2015 at 12:04

If I had the monies, I'd be buying a white i8, and not a new 911.

(Of course, if I had the monies, I'd be buying an old 911)

CalzoneGolem > phenotyp
01/28/2015 at 12:13

BMWs as a whole don't do much for me but this one rustles my jimmies big time.

phenotyp > CalzoneGolem
01/28/2015 at 12:16

It's gorgeous. So small, so low, so wide, so sculptural. It looks like the future we were promised.

CalzoneGolem > phenotyp
01/28/2015 at 12:24

It looks like the future we were promised.

Kinja'd!!!

jmedarts > phenotyp
01/28/2015 at 14:33

I think your opinion of the F10 is right on. I had a 535 as a loaner last year, it definitely had plenty of power, but did not feel like a BMW.

I think it has to do with size creep. I had an e39 540, which I loved. Perfect size. When I needed something newer, I got an e90 335. Roughly the same power, although delivered in a different manner, and just a bit smaller. It's harder to get in/out of but feels similar once I'm in it. The e60 was just too big for what I wanted.

I have a feeling the latest 3 series is now exactly the same size as my beloved e90 540. And the F10 is probably very similar to an e38.

As further evidence this years Car & Driver 10 best replaced the 3 series with the 2 series and noted the M235i is roughly equivalent to an e46 M3.

All car manufacturers have to get people to "trade up" one way or another.

FireSpittingV12 > phenotyp
01/28/2015 at 14:44

Drive an M-Sport 535i xDrive. Hydraulic steering. RWD versions have electric steering. That thing has ROAD FEEL.

phenotyp > jmedarts
01/28/2015 at 14:52

Yep. It's nothing new (I mean, the Civic is bigger and heavier than 90s Accords). But this seems to the end of the 5 Series, unless they make some drastic changes with whatever comes next.

But we know that ain't gonna happen. No hiding its F01 DNA. It just feels like a luxury liner, not a battleship. It kinda bums me out, because I've really, really liked my E60s. They surprised me with how good they are. This surprised me by how good it isn't.

phenotyp > FireSpittingV12
01/28/2015 at 14:56

Who'da thought, that the AWD would feel better than the RWD?

AnalogDialog > phenotyp
01/28/2015 at 17:26

1. That i8 looks amazing in white.

2. I got a chance autocross a 228i M Sport at a BMW test drive event for an entire afternoon and the car was near perfect — except for the steering. It wasn't terrible, in fact, for electric steering it was levels better than other setups. The car was laser sharp, but every flick of the wheel felt over-assisted for something that was sport-oriented. Until I got used to the handling, I thought I was going to over correct a few times. I wondered if what helped me keep everything in line had more to do with the rest of the superb chassis setup than the low-volume feedback I was getting from the steering.

When I got back in my e90 330i after the event, it was like night and day just simply turning to exit the parking lot.

AM3R shamefully returns > FireSpittingV12
01/28/2015 at 18:38

wait, really?

FireSpittingV12 > AM3R shamefully returns
01/28/2015 at 23:08

Yup. My parents have one. You feel everything. And you can hear it work when its cold out.

AM3R shamefully returns > FireSpittingV12
01/28/2015 at 23:20

that makes me want to look for a manual xDrive F10 to test out, I always thought it was the RWD models with hydraulic steering (which my E90 has, and I love).

FireSpittingV12 > AM3R shamefully returns
01/29/2015 at 14:33

xDrive have hydraulic steering because of packaging issues.

Manuél Ferrari > FireSpittingV12
03/05/2015 at 23:26

Also the F10 M5 has the hydraulic steering, correct?

Manuél Ferrari > AM3R shamefully returns
03/05/2015 at 23:26

how u not know this?

you're supposed to know all BMW trivia

Manuél Ferrari > phenotyp
03/05/2015 at 23:26

F10 M5 manual with comp pack would be good though

AM3R shamefully returns > Manuél Ferrari
03/05/2015 at 23:27

I would've thought that the RWD f10's would have hydraulic steering! Makes an xDrive F10 even more appealing..

phenotyp > Manuél Ferrari
03/05/2015 at 23:30

If the steering's better, maybe. Honestly, that was the thing that ruined it for me. When I got my car back, it felt older in the tech department, and a million times better in the driving department.

Manuél Ferrari > AM3R shamefully returns
03/05/2015 at 23:35

I had read that before when reading about the F10. I read that they couldn't get the stupid new steering to fit in all models. Funny thing is that I read it in a review where they said they tested both types of steering in the F10 and the electric power steering was better. Liars!

Manuél Ferrari > phenotyp
03/05/2015 at 23:35

I forgot to mention - the M5 has the hydraulic steering like the 535 X Drive does

phenotyp > Manuél Ferrari
03/05/2015 at 23:38

Yeah, the chances of me buying an F10 M5 are about the same as me going back in time and getting with Milla Jovovich circa 1999.

AM3R shamefully returns > Manuél Ferrari
03/05/2015 at 23:39

I enjoy the hydraulic steering in the E90 so much that I want to have an E9x in the fleet at all times.. It's that good.

Manuél Ferrari > phenotyp
03/06/2015 at 00:52

omg that would be the coolest thing ever

I was obsessed with her too back then

Manuél Ferrari > AM3R shamefully returns
03/06/2015 at 00:53

ha ha that's funny because I think it's pretty terrible

It has the worst hydraulic steering I've ever experienced in a sports car